You don’t necessarily have to fight all the time to indicate there are problems in your marriage. Neither do most marriages end because of cheating. According to the experts, annoyances and resentment build up over the years, which deplete the love between two people.
In an interview in Best Life Online, mental health counselor and life coach Dr. Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D., pointed out: “Relationships require time, energy, and money. However, it is often hard for couples to admit it hasn’t worked out.”
Each marriage is unique, but eventually, desire and love fade into a more comfortable and settled routine. Nevertheless, a marriage must be nourished if it is to succeed. If you don’t want to find out your partner is quitting suddenly, both of you require constant engagement and effort.
Commonest Warning Signs to Look Out For
Some warning signs shouldn’t go unacknowledged and should be faced sooner rather than later. These are the most common:
1. You Argue Over One Thing Only
Arguments in a marriage are healthy, according to researchers. It is better to argue about something than to pretend it doesn’t exist, and data shows that relationships where couples argue are usually happier.
However, if you constantly argue about the same issue without ever finding a way to resolve it, it may signal that you are disconnected as a couple. Usually, this will result in you sidestepping each other to avoid arguing about the same thing again.
2. You Have Stopped Arguing
Although constant arguments over the same thing indicate a problem in your marriage, the same applies if you never argue. From the moment a relationship with conflicts turns into one without any, it is the first sign that either partner has lost the will to save the relationship.
The bottom line about arguing is that a little is fine, but no arguing shows indifference.
3. You Prefer to Share Everything with Someone Else
Whether you have something significant to share or something worrisome, in a happy marriage, the first person you would want to share it with would be your partner. After all, your partner is the best person to offer emotional support when you need it and will also want to share your joy.
We all do confide some things to family and friends, but if you never turn to your partner, this is a sign that there is a problem.
4. You Avoid Each Other’s Company and Lead Separate Lives
If you prefer to spend time with other people rather than with your partner, you need to start searching deeper into the cause. In a healthy relationship, it’s normal and healthy to spend some time apart. However, if you are looking for any excuse to spend your free time with others, chances are you have drifted apart.
The signs usually start from before you prefer to go out with friends alone. They start being visible when a couple is isolating themselves from one another and avoiding intimacy. Intimacy does not only include a sexual relationship, but the quality time you spend together. The signs to look out for are watching TV separately or going to bed at different times.
5. Constantly Comparing Your Partner Negatively to Others
Many people have continual negative feelings about their partner. This leads to them constantly comparing their partner to others. If you find yourself thinking, “I wish my partner were like so-and-so’s spouse,” or, “my partner doesn’t show me how much he cares,” you need to take stock of your marriage.
A deeper inner search on your feelings should reveal if your partner is that annoying or if you need to have a more positive outlook.
These are the most subtle signs that your marriage is not so strong. Others include fantasizing about someone else, keeping secrets from your partner, and looking for any opportunity to criticize rather than compliment. Research says that in a good relationship, every criticism must be counteracted with at least five positive interactions.
Communication skills are essential in a good marriage. These can help you and your partner identify and work through issues. Many couples can’t do this on their own and require marriage counseling.
If you have observed any of these subtle signs in your marriage, act before it’s too late to save your marriage. You should have an honest and respectful chat with your partner about any issues, but these conversations are often difficult for some people. However, they are necessary. If you feel you cannot overcome the difficulties of being open to each other, seek the help of a marriage therapist.