The old punchline that cannot get it up, “happens to all guys” hits the mark and misses it wildly. It’s both true and an oversimplification because sexual confidence (or lack thereof) isn’t only a male problem. Women are even more likely to suffer from arousal problems than men. Sexual dysfunction affects about 43% of women and 31% of men. While in men, the problem may be more visible, lack of sexual confidence can erode the self-esteem of both men and women, creating anxiety and a spiral of depression, self-esteem issues, and poor body image.
While the effects may be comparable, the causes may vary significantly. While low testosterone in men is a universal culprit, some reasons apply across the board, particularly with age. Medications, depression, chronic illness, poor sleep, stress, low self-esteem, and alcohol and drug use can all contribute to low sexual confidence, performance, and arousal problems in men and women.
While some of these causes can be tricky to get around, there are a few things you can try that may help. Whether looking for psychological tips or dildos for sale, we hope our six ways to boost your sexual confidence will help you ring that bell again.
1. Try Being Present
Sex can (and should) be more than just happy genitals doing their thing together. If your brain isn’t in the right space, your body will have difficulty going along with it. It might not take much to spoil the mood, especially if you’re still new to the relationship. Focus on the present moment and the sights, sounds, and sensations you’re experiencing to keep your head in the game. If you’re accustomed to chasing after an orgasm, whether your own or your partner’s, let go of that expectation and just enjoy the moment.
2. Confront Body Image
Men and women are equally insecure about their appearance, which can make this next tip nerve-wracking for anyone: look at yourself naked in a mirror. Silence the voices of society’s opinion of what is attractive by calling out the things that are good about how you look or make you unique. If you’re having difficulty accepting your appearance, remember that most partners are probably less concerned with your looks than you are.
3. Positive Positions
Since genitals vary from person to person, even within the same gender, such as size or sensitivity, each partner should be treated as a unique experience. Some women get G-spot sensation from a different position than others. Some guys last longer in some positions than others, so talk to each other about what positions work best for your particular anatomies. You’ll feel more confident that you won’t fumble around when the time comes.
4. Work Out the Deets
Sex isn’t just about positions, so positions aren’t the only thing to discuss. Everyone has a different style. Some people like slow, tender, romantic sex. Some people like fast, jackhammer action, and there can be a time and place for both, even during the same session! That’s not to mention kissing, foreplay, oral and sex toys such as dildos or vibrators; you name it, and the odds are that you or your partner have a preference. And if not, maybe it’s time to explore! The idea here isn’t to plan out every move but to get an idea of what will make it an incredible experience for you both.
5. Porn Isn’t Reality
Yes, the people are real, but what you see is just about as staged as professional wrestling. Even if it’s a grainy video of a real couple going at it, remember that you see the highlight reel, not necessarily an average encounter. Don’t try to live up to someone else’s ideal. Of course, there’s no harm in getting inspiration from your viewing material. But, especially if you’re new to each other and the relationship, be realistic about what happens between you and your partner.
6. Toying Around
Introducing dildos or other sex toys isn’t the mark of the boring sex life that it used to be. Plenty of healthy couples enhance their experience this way, and it should never be seen as a threat to one’s prowess. Instead, embrace sex toys as another way to please your partner. Dildos can add a unique dynamic, regardless of which partner is being penetrated. By positively introducing toys, your partner may feel less like they’re a threat and more like they’re an opportunity!
Crossing the Finish Line
We hope these tips will get you going in the right direction. Remember: sex is just as much an exercise of the mind as the body. And if it’s an ongoing problem, don’t be afraid to seek expert help.